There was a dead mouse (my cat’s trophy) and roaches. I didn’t know because my room was so stuffy I aired it out every day, sometimes twice a day.
I got hit with depression around the age of 7 and started trying to commit suicide at 8. I was severely bullied until I dislocated some guy’s shoulder when I was 11-ish. I passed tests and age 11 I had the “mental capacity” of a 16 year old. So I skipped a year. Although I was fine for a year, I then moved to a bigger place (I used to be at a school with 120 kids and moved to a place with 450 kids). I was bullied an awful lot. I had skipped a year and oh boy this private, conservative, highly religious place was so not my cup of tea. I developped massive social anxiety (at age 13, seriously. I wish I were a tumblr special snowflake making sh*t up rn). I had panic attacks daily, often passed out, threw up, had insomnias and etc.
Fast forward over a year and a half, school was back in and I missed more than half the month of school. I didn’t go at all in October.
In November I was interned at a psychiatric facility.
They were awful.
There was no heating, it was always around 10 degrees (celsius), the food was revolting, and most of all, the nurses were bordeline abusive.
They blamed my mother for not being harsh enough and isolated me from her and my LDR girlfriend who was my only support. If things didn’t go their way, they yelled, insulted, sometimes grabbed and shoved you around and would talk in your back 24/7. I got out a month later, hit with sometimes hallucinations, dissociating frequently, having a massive phobia of school in general and being paranoid. I also developped an eating disorder and varied in between starving myself and binging (like, 7000 calories binges).
Anyhow, fastforward several years of doing nothing, sleeping between 7am and 4pm to avoid as much living as possible, watching films and basically doing f**k all but binge, sleep and computer. I attempted suicide again in April. I basically shoved down more than 8000mg of paracetamol. I got hospitalized and I somehow barely got affected and drank a quarter of my dose of charcoal (they kept me awake until I drank some but gave up eventually). I stay 3 months in hospital.
About 6 months after the hospital, I discover have a 97% chance of being autistic, that I’m a “gifted child” with hypersensibility. (I couldn’t afford the next tests because they cost hundreds so I’m leaving it at 97% chance) I’ve beaten what the psych facility did to me except for the fact I restricted myself to approx 1500cal/day and due to being shut in my room for so long I have migraines when I’m exposed to sunlight and get rash. Sucks.
Things didn’t move much for a while after that but this September I went back to school. I picked up my studies although I’d dropped out after the psych facility. I’m currently studying and fighting both ED and depression and tbh I think I’m winning.